Many people would be shocked when I say we create our own reality. That what we manifest externally is a direct mirror of what is going on internally. What I am going to teach you is exactly that, we do create the reality we line up with in our life, and that reality can change for the better!

When we are little, or usually between the ages of 0 and 8, I wouldn’t rule out up to the age of 12, our life is like a blue print for the life we will live in our adulthood. The type of love, abundance, friendship that we received  the list goes on, is a map of what we will manifest into our adult life. The way we are raised gives us the internal map which is mirrored externally. When we are small our minds are like a sponge, predominantly in theta brainwave state, taking in information in a very hypnotic way, this information becomes our programming, which lines us up for the adulthood that we live in. Our emotional programming is energetic. The emotions we have in our body in accordance with certain situations, events people and things acts in a very magnetic way. The energy we carry will match the energy in our environment. An example of this is the feeling of being enough, if we have a core belief that we are not enough, our external world will mirror this. We will line up with people and events that keep feeding back to us this message, further reinforcing in our minds that it must be true. However it does not mean that this is true, it means we have an energetic blueprint that got stored in our subconscious mind when we where young  that is being mirrored energetically in our environment. Our subconscious mind is the home of our programming, it is what is going on under the surface of our lives and dictates how we respond to the world around us, it runs over 95% of our life. We are doing only a small fraction of creating with our conscious mind. Our subconscious was the information we received between the ages of 0 to 8, and yes it is still calling the shots today. Luckily our subconscious mind, like the software on a computer can be reprogrammed, we are not stuck with the same software, we can add to it, and make adjustments which can bring in a much better energetic blueprint for the life we would like to be living. Quantum physics is telling us that everything in this universe is energy, the way we feel and respond to this energy is our emotions, we can store emotions in our body. In this universe like energy lines up with like energy, the emotions we hold in our body line up with like situations, events and things which reflect our internal world. The events and circumstances and how they played out in our childhood shape our subconscious mind, this is our belief system about ourselves and the world around us, and the emotional responses we have to these events and circumstances. When we are small we line up with many circumstances which leave a lasting impression on the developing mind. We have our family which is the primary source of the programming we receive and we also have peers and the school system and many other events and environments that shape us.

When we line up with events that cause us to feel a negative emotion, for example a friend rejects us at school. Maybe in this event we hold onto the emotion of sadness and nobody is there to soothe our pain. We may feel the shame of rejection and feel alone. In our adult life, if we face similar circumstances, which is highly likely if we have unresolved trauma in our bodies. Our psyche and our thoughts and our emotional response will be the same as it was in childhood. A trauma is anything we didn’t let ourselves fully feel or that went unresolved. Everything we experience in adulthood and the way we respond is a direct response to our subconscious programming. We carry the blueprints for all our emotional responses in our subconscious mind, and they where all created in childhood. So if we find ourselves having an emotional response in our adult life, there will be a mirror event or circumstance that mirrors this response that was formed in childhood. We are not trapped in our early belief systems and emotional responses, luckily they can be revisited, and with love and kindness we can nurture ourselves out of these responses and change the internal blueprint in our subconscious.

Being with ourselves and our emotions

When our emotions are not validated, which means they are not recognised and it is not fed back to us that another can see our emotions and that it is OK to feel that way, we may dissociate, this means we step out of our emotional experience and do not feel what is going on emotionally. The first stage in reprogramming our subconscious mind is learning to be with ourselves with all our emotions, and learning to self soothe any emotions that arise. The route cause of all addiction is the inability to self soothe, it is can be self avoidance such as workaholism, where we will do anything to find a distraction from how we feel, or finding replacements to self soothing such as cigarettes, alcohol or drugs, finding external sources to feel better. What I am going to teach you is, we have the tools inside of us to self soothe and be with our pain. When we are told in childhood it is not OK to feel a certain way, in adulthood we will still believe this to be true, and our subconscious mind will be programmed to feel we are not allowed to feel this emotion or even that we are un lovable in this emotional state. When we learn to be with ourselves when any emotion arises with love compassion and acceptance, we are sending this energy into the unloved parts of ourselves. Telling ourselves we are unconditionally there with ourselves, and that it is completely OK to feel the way we feel is the first step to meeting our emotions and self soothing. When we sit with our emotions and make this a habit, we are reprogramming the subconscious mind to also be with our emotions as well. We are never trying to get rid of emotions, we are learning to be with whatever emotions arise with love and acceptance, knowing that no matter the emotional response we have, we are lovable and that it is OK to be feeling that way. When we do not take the time to self soothe, or we do not have the programming that taught us to be there with ourselves it can manifest in our reality as high levels of stress and anxiety. We may ignore our inner guidance system that is our emotions and face burnout or maybe symptoms of PTSD and other mental and even physical health problems. When we learn to be with ourselves in our emotions, we learn to trust our emotions and let them guide us, such ad knowing what is bad for us and what will cause us harm. Or knowing when to say no to events people and circumstances and give our self  time for ourselves. Learning self love is one of the most important things in our spiritual evolution, and this means loving ourselves as a whole, in all of our emotions. Not only if we are feeling a certain way or if we achieve a certain goal. But loving our humanness, our raw emotions and being with those emotions.

When we are little, if we where told to focus our minds on something positive as a way to feel better, this is still self avoidance. Saying I’m here with you in your emotions and its completely OK to feel this way without trying to change the emotion is self acceptance and self love. Instead of chasing positive emotions which are fleeting, I’m saying turn in the direction of your negative emotions and embrace them and be with them fully, this is not always an easy task I know, especially if we have been on the path of self avoidance, but being with our negative emotions, I promise you has greater rewards than chasing our positive emotions ever will. When we know we can be with our emotions we cannot be messed with, we know that we can love ourselves through the negative without having to try and get away from it. I even struggle with the term negative emotions, because when we learn to sit and be with all our emotions they no longer become negative or unwanted, they are just emotions, and we lovingly accept these emotional responses as they arise. Many people spend their lives running from themselves, seeking externally what they are not doing internally. People chase all sorts of things in this material world, but find it is never enough to soothe the feelings in their body. We are taught many things in school, but sadly how to be with our emotions is not one of them. Our emotions are at our core a fundamental part of who we are. However there are many spiritual teachers who talk of transcending our emotions. I don’t believe this is self loving at all, it is denying our human nature, and saying it is un spiritual to feel what is going on emotionally. I think the most spiritual an self loving thing we can do is learn to be with all of our emotions, with love and compassion. We are then learning to love ourselves as a whole, and not just accepting the emotionless and dissociated part of ourselves. To be truly grounded we must feel comfortable in our bodies, and that means being with our emotions, and not deeming any emotion unworthy of our time or love. We must also know there is a valid reason for us to be feeling a certain way. It could be a trauma trigger which is a messenger from our subconscious that is calling our attention, like a child crying for help we must meet these emotions like it is a child, as it stems from our early experiences. Learning to soothe that child’s pain rather than finding distractions is the first step to having a good relationship with ourselves.

When times are hard emotional burnout can happen. We must learn to pay attention to our emotions, they are our guidance system. Without being in tune with our emotions we will fail to know our preferences and set healthy boundaries with others. When we know how we feel we can make changes in our environment including setting boundaries with others that honour our emotions.

When we are little, if we found our parents did not respond well to certain emotional states, we will find ourselves rejecting those emotional aspects of ourselves also. A lot of what I am teaching is how to bring those emotional aspects closer to ourselves with love. Being with the unloved aspects of us creates a sense of wholeness, and we will be putting out into the world from our whole being, not a being which is at war with itself. Things such as anxiety can be the hardest to be with, as anxiety occurs when we cannot think of a logical reason for the underlying emotion to be present and we deny it. Being with this emotion and routing down and knowing there is an emotion that wants to be felt and validated is key in helping us overcome anxiety, we must sit with the anxiety long enough for the core emotion to surface and we must validate this as having a completely acceptable reason for existing. When we delve into aspects of our being that where once rejected, misunderstood and unloved, we are doing a form of soul retrieval which creates self love and helps us have a solid grounding in our reality.

When we are avoiding parts of our self, we are more focused on maintaining parts of our self which we deem as acceptable which takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of work to suppress and deny aspects of our self. If we move towards these aspects of our soul with love and compassion we no longer have to fight these parts. For example if we reject the part of us that is ‘lazy’ we will constantly be thriving to do things to feel OK about ourselves. When we sit with and accept the part of us that likes to do nothing and be conditionally present and compassionate with that part of yourself you will see it as a part of yourself that needs nurturing, and you will be less inclined to feel negative emotion towards yourself when you want to do completely nothing and take time for yourself. You will learn to see yourself as a whole rather than just parts of yourself you have been taught are acceptable and lovable. We need to start looking at the entirety of what makes us who we are and accept it fully.

When we are small we make decisions often on a subconscious level on who we will be, or what our personality will be. Our personality is a mixture of parts of ourselves that where deemed as acceptable and got us the attention we desired as children. When we recognise this it can have us questioning ourselves on a deep level. Who would we be if we grew up in a different culture or different family. We would be exactly the same person but with different expression depending on what was acceptable. If we start to delve into what was unacceptable we start to get to the core of who we are and love ourselves as a whole human. Just think of the things we have hidden away and the aspects of our life we could be depriving ourselves of.

Unresolved trauma

When we have trauma in our bodies and programmed into our subconscious mind we will react the same way to that unresolved trauma in our current reality when faced with similar circumstances that trigger that trauma. Trauma is caused by dissociation. The act of not feeling our feelings in the moment of trauma and finding resolution to that trauma that raises our emotional vibration. We need to be brave enough to feel what we never felt. We can use trauma triggers like a Magnet, as it will be and energetic match to the primary trauma, we can use is to fall back in time to the primary trauma and work on feeling our emotions with love compassion and presence and finding resolution to that trauma. We can create a safe space in our minds where we can be where no external influences can harm us. We do this through visualisations. We can then feel safe enough to fully feel and embrace the emotional experience that arises, making sure we know there is nothing wrong with any emotional or even physical response that comes up. We want to create a nurturing inner voice, like a nurturing parent, that validates that they see our emotions and they are completely acceptable and in complete proportion to what we are experiencing. Allowing expression of those emotions is important. Then we can visualise creating a scenario which will make us feel better. As the mind does not know the difference between imagination and lived experience this has a healing effect.

When we carry trauma and are coming from a place of trauma we can feel disconnected from our bodies, we can spend most of our time in our heads as the body is screaming out for attention but it can feel overbearing. When we go inwards and begin to face these uncomfortable feelings our body will begin to feel like home and we will feel embodied without tension. Uncomfortable sensations in the body are always messengers from our emotions, emotions that need our loving presence. When we do not feel comfortable in our bodies we can use all forms of escapism such as addiction to get away from these uncomfortable feelings. The way out is through, imagine you are in a forest and there is dense vines and ivy blocking your way, on one side where you are the forest is catching fire, this is our trauma. And the vines our emotions, if we try and tear the vines down aggressively they will hit the floor and catch fire too so with care we need to untangle our emotions, then we must be with our emotions unconditionally then use them to swing to the other side where it is calm. But we must be gentle and ride out the emotional waves, there is no rush, we may keep visiting the fire until there are less and less vines or emotions holding us in it. When we ride all the vines across to the other side the fire goes out, that is our ultimate goal. To feel the many layers of emotion keeping us locked in a painful place. Our emotional trauma like the vines is fuel for the fire, once felt, understood, validated and resolved the fire ceases to exist.